Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Memories of Falling Leaves and Iced Over Sidewalks

Our street here in Gilbert, AZ is lined with trees that loose their leaves this time of year. When I walk out front I can smell the leaves and it takes me back in time to when I was a young child living in Ohio. I love that smell. I remember my dad raking them up into a huge pile and then my siblings and I and our neighborhood friends jumping into them. It was a lot of fun.

As long as I can remember living in AZ since I was twelve years old, I don't recall ever smelling the leaves like today. I think that's why I love this street, this town, this neighborhood. It kind of reminds me of the little town in Ohio that I grew up in, Fairborn.

I remember the sidewalks in the winter being iced over, we would skate across the ice in our normal shoes, we didn't have skates and we didn't need them. It was so much fun that you didn't even feel the cold. I love those childhood memories.

Monday, December 19, 2011

A Rough Road

I thank God that we are going through this rough time in our lives, He knows what we're going through and I trust Him completely to see us through. It can only make us stronger I believe. And in the mean time, as we walk through this rough road, holding God's hand, we are more content than we ever thought possible. And when this hard time is better or over, we will be able to look back and really see what we've learned.

It's been a little over a year now since moving here. I kept waiting for things to get better, and with every step that got better it seemed that we slipped back a few more steps in the wrong direction. Just like that saying, or that song, One step forward and two steps back...only our two steps back seemed like ten steps back!

I can honestly say through it all I really am able to rely more on God, I'm not as scared about certain things that I use to be afraid of. We've been hungry, gone without electricity, gone without water and gas. We have never been hurt though, physically or in any other way.

We have seen the love of family and friends. Some of these things we've gone without were just for a short time, then God would bless us by giving us more work which is money, and we'd be able to have our electricity, water, phone, internet, and gas turned back on. We also may have been hungry, but I know it's because we didn't like what was available to eat, but there was always food for us.
Just not always what we wanted, and that's really a good thing, it teaches us not to be so picky or spoiled.

I thank and praise God for all the hard times and the good times!

Christmas

I love the cold weather we're having...makes it feel more like Christmas. It's been rainy and cold!

We can't afford a Christmas tree this year, and at first I was sad about it because of my son, who is now twelve as of a week ago. But he, Bo, my son, said that it's OK I'm going to make a tree for us.

Sure enough he did and he did an amazing job...the prettiest tree I've ever seen! He took about six feet of paper that we have on a huge roll, drew a Christmas tree, colored it, then put glitter glue on it for lights, which worked great, then he glued on miniature ornaments that I've saved through the years. We hung it on the wall, it's about five and a half feet tall and it's beautiful!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I Thought I Feared Death

When I thought it was death that I was afraid of, I wouldn't talk about it and I didn't want to hear about it and I didn't want to think about it.

I was talking to my mom one day on the phone, and she brought up funeral plans for her and my dad for the future. I told her I really don't want to talk about it, not right now anyway, I told her to talk to my older sister about it. She said she needs to tell all four of us kids so each of us know their plans. As I listened I started crying, I couldn't bare the thought of losing my mom or my dad.

"You're a Christian, you have nothing to be afraid of." I have heard this so many times in my life...and I know it's true. Then I'd feel bad that even though I am a Christian and I know when I do die that I'm going to heaven, that I still had this fear inside.

So I started a long, hard conversation with myself about it, I prayed about it, I talked to other's about this and then it hit me. I am not afraid of death or dying, not for myself any way. I fear the loss of my loved ones...of missing them so much and never being able to see them, touch them, hug them, talk to them, or hear their voice again. That's my fear, that's the pain inside that makes me worry and even makes me cry as I sit here writing this. And when I die, I don't want my loved ones to be sad or hurt or to miss me so much that it makes them suffer.

But that is a part of life on this earth, we die, our loved ones die, and even though if they are saved and in heaven, we still miss them.

The fear is gone, but I still don't ever want to miss anyone like that or anyone else to hurt like that in their life over my death one day.