Monday, October 17, 2011

I Want My Life Back!!!

Although I am not agoraphobic any more, I can leave my home, I still have trouble forcing myself to drive to the store and to go into the store.
I know it's because I don't practice it like I should. Practice always makes progress and since I don't have a car at this time in my life it's hard for me to practice like I should or want.
I could drive my daughter's car, and I have, I just don't trust her car and I fear I will get stuck some where because the car isn't that reliable.
Am I just making up excuses, I ask myself. I mean I know the car isn't that reliable and has broke down, but that doesn't mean it will again. So maybe to a point I'm just chickening out and giving myself an excuse not to get in the car, drive to the store and go into the store to buy what we need at home.
To be totally honest, that is it, I'm still not really facing my anxiety and I'm not helping myself like I should be.
I want my life back, I want to get in the car like it's next to natural again to me and go shopping, I want to go to the mall again or to Target again, with out the needing to practice, with out all this stupid fear. I know there isn't anything to be afraid of so I don't know why I allow this or how to stop allowing this to take over me and my life!
I will just have to keep on practicing till I get use to it and not allow it to shake me up like it does.

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