Friday, July 22, 2011

The Pros Of Not Being Able To Use Your Stove Top

Not being able to cook on the stove top has it's pros, I'm learning to cook things that I have always cooked just not in an oven. I am so amazed that it's even possible to cook certain things in the oven and then they turn out so good.

Today I cooked eggs on broil and these eggs turned out better than on top of the stove. It was the best over easy egg I've ever made, and the egg white was fluffier than it usually is on top of the stove. That and bacon and toast, we had ourselves a good breakfast.

The other day we got ready to make pancakes and then realized we couldn't use the stove, no gas. So I said lets try it in the oven. My daughter said to get the baking sheet hot in the oven first then pour some batter on the sheet and we'll see what happens. This worked great, just had to make sure the oven was hot enough. We had a great oven cooked breakfast!

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise to me but it was. If you can cook it on top of the stove then you can apparently cook it in the oven as well. And probably over a fire like in the old days. We even made a pot of pinto beans for dinner and they turned out great, I've never cooked them like that before.

But the gas will be back on next week so I'm sure we'll go back to using the stove top like before because it really is more convenient than the oven. But it was good to learn more about oven cooking.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Sometimes We Just Need A Little Boost

And I got the boost I needed today, thank God and thank you dear friend for helping me, I love you dearly! I want to remember this day forever, I do not want to ever judge someone for what ever they are going through, if my dear friend can be so nonjudgmental and help me in my desperation then I want to be like that too for others. It seems like that is how Jesus is, I want to be more like that in my life.

Just the perfect boost will now cause me to be able to float instead of sink, and I was sinking slowly! Like a slow death, no joke! I am able to float and soon, by next week I will start swimming! And I can't wait, I'm so excited! And all I want to shout is Praise God!!! And thank you for sending me the help I needed so badly through the perfect angel on earth! Hallelujah!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Mad At God

I was talking to a friend recently and they said they were mad at God for the way their life has turned out. I know God already knows how we feel before we speak it, so I know it's no shock to Him when someone says something like that. But it kinda scared me, even though I know myself I've felt like that in my life too at one time or another.

I started thinking about it and I know I could get angry at God for the struggles I'm going through right now. And although I really do not like this struggle and I really wish and pray God would give me a miracle to get out of this financial hardship. I just can't find anger and I am not mad at Him. It's not His fault I'm in this mess, I've made some really stupid mistakes and bad choices that have led me to where I am today. But I'm working on getting myself out of this hard place in my life, and I know God is with me and I believe He cares about what I'm going through.

I hope my friend rethinks that statement and stops blaming God but puts the blame where it really belongs. Maybe they've made some bad decisions and that's why they are struggling too. Who knows?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Part 2...Embrace the suck!

I get it now! I watched Beastly, the movie, last night, and my daughter did get that saying from that movie, and it totally made sense to me then. By the way it was a pretty good movie.

Today we are totally embracing the suck!!! Life can really suck some times and today is another one of those times.

When I got up, my daughter was already up and as I came out from my room I could see her leaning over the kitchen bar, kinda slumped over it and I asked her if she had made coffee. I was surprised she was up before me, that kinda threw me off a little.

She said I was trying to but, and then she lifted the handle of the kitchen sink faucet and no water came out. Then she pushed a pink paper over towards me. Damn, you've got to be kidding! was what I said, I can not believe they turned our water off!

I called the company and that bill is due this month, we are not even late! Some how they messed up and they still will not turn our water back on since it is off and there's a balance on it! I was so upset with the utility company that I wanted to scream.

With all of that happening, my daughter said something about her birthday, I got so embarrassed. I told her that I'm so sorry I forgot about it, only for this moment though . She just smiled and told me it's ok. So jokingly back to her I said happy birthday we have no water. But then seriously I told her I love her and really, Happy Birthday.

Now we're trying to figure out what the hell we're going to do about our water issue. Although it may suck it still isn't worse than what others are going thru....I mean at least we have electricity and all our kids are safe, we aren't as bad off as so many others which makes me have more compassion on them.

Update....Yea! Several hours later we got our water back on...Thank God!!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Embrace The Suck!

This is what my daughter said to me with laughter this morning. She must have heard this on a movie, I'm guessing. When things are tough or troublesome she laughs, I love this about her. She's been this way all her life.

I guess I was thinking more on the lines this morning that this is the time to really give God thanks and to praise him. If we can praise him in the hard times, like I should be doing, then that's great because I already know it's easy giving him thanks in the easier times of life.

If you're use to having a cup or two of coffee in the mornings, every morning, and you don't have any that morning then the caffeine headaches can be seriously painful! So my daughter ran to Wendy's (the fast food place) and got us a cup with some change she had been saving up.

AH now I feel better, like I can think straight and deal with the issues at hand. And there are many at hand today! Nothing like a great cup of coffee if you're a serious coffee drinker. Others would say we're addicted to coffee and I won't deny that, if going without it causes a massive headache then yeah, we're pretty much addicted I guess.

So I'm embracing the suck of life right now and dealing with all that comes our way with a smile on my face!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I went to because I was told they have conversations started or that you can start yourself on any topic. So I started one, about how to promote my blog to get more followers. There were a lot of people who were nice and informative (thank you all that were!) But there were so many that were totally rude and mean, I couldn't believe some of the nasty remarks I got and sexual content in some of the reply's.

I am sure my face was red after reading some of the reply's and I was glad no one was in the room with me while I was reading these comments, I was so embarrassed!

But on the up scale, a lot of people went to my blog and gave me more hits on the counter and some clicked on my adsense and that put money in my pocket! So I guess some of the ones that were not so nice still came to my blog any way so thanks to you who did!

I'm still up for advise and I will keep looking for answers as to how to promote my blog, any suggestions would be very appreciated!

Friday, July 15, 2011

I Hate My Life!

Have you ever felt like that? I've got to be honest here, I really did feel like that this morning! But only for a few minutes. Then I had to remind myself that although we're going through tough times right now, we are still blessed with goodness too. And I know the good does out way the bad.

Our gas that heats our water and cooks our food and runs the heater (although it's summer and it's not needed right now) was shut off and it seriously saddened me that my young son and a few of my grand children witnessed this. I feel embarrassed about our situation and it made me cry, but not in front of the kids, I went into the bathroom. I told them as soon as I get the money I'll have it turned back on so that they don't worry about it.

I had a choice, pay the water bill or the gas bill, we can not live without water so of course I paid the water bill. I know things will turn around for us....we will not stop trying and pressing forward...we are determined to beat this struggle that happens to be upon us at the moment.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

For Anyone With Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia

I'm reposting this because some people go to my website and to my blog looking for this particular post, and then they have to go all the way to the beginning of my blog to find it, so now it's back at the top, for awhile any ways, so they don't have to go searching for it.

Also if anyone wants the website for The Midwest Center, just email me and I'll get it for you. They are the ones that helped me and millions like me get over my agoraphobia, anxiety and panic. I truly praise God for them and what they're doing.

There Is A Way Out !

The pain and mental anguish is unbearable when you have anxiety to the point of panic. Panic that you can't even explain, it feels like you're going to die, or that you're losing your mind. It's terrifying and painful!

Just imagine that you're swimming in the warm Florida ocean and you see a shark. Fear and panic would grip you. You'd swim as fast as you can to the beach to get away from that shark knowing it will probably bite your leg off if it gets close enough to you.

That is the same feeling and reaction that my body would go through, almost every day, except there is no shark, I'm not even in the ocean, I'm just at home doing normal daily life tasks when it comes on!

It can just come on day or night, while you're awake or asleep, and if you're asleep it causes you to fly out of bed. I've lived with panic for almost 10 years and it feels like no one understands or knows what I've gone through and go through.

But to my surprise there are millions of us going through this awful disorder. I've been researching and gobbling up every thing I can find that has to do with anxiety, and I'm not alone!! Thank God! It makes me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one suffering with this awful thing called anxiety. I was afraid that my family and family doctor were just going to give up on me, lock me up and throw away the key because they thought I was going crazy. I knew I wasn't crazy but I didn't know if I'd ever be normal again. I just wanted this fear, panic and anxiety to stop. I wanted to be independent again, to be happy, not to be afraid. Not only did I suffer but my young child suffered because of me and missed out on life because of me! My heart broke for him every day.

For the first time in 10 years I am learning why I have anxiety and what it is, what triggers it and why. And what to do or what NOT to do. I've tried several anti depressants and anti anxiety medications but they are not the cure for me, or the panic would stop for good. So I decided to wean off of the medications and find the root cause of this awful thing called panic attacks. I've seen counselors, and doctors and psychiatrist's but they didn't fix me or this disorder. (I say disorder for lack of a better word or term)

What triggers it? ME! Why? And what is it? And what do I do about it??

So What is it?

It's adrenaline coursing through your body, but since there is no real danger, (like a shark chasing you while swimming in the ocean) it feels terrifying.
It's the exact reaction you'd have if someone broke into your home and put a knife to your throat. Adrenaline would cause you to either run for your life or to stay there and fight.
Also adrenaline is what goes through you when you're excited about something, like getting on a roller coaster, you'd be excited and maybe a little scared. But you don't have a panic attack because you know why you're feeling the adrenaline at that moment.

Sometimes I can hardly believe that this has happened to me. I went from a person that could drive across the United States to not being able to walk out my front door! (agoraphobia)

Agoraphobia is the fear of having a panic attack so you don't leave your home. It's that simple. Although I didn't know that's what it was while going thru it. I just thought agoraphobia was only the fear of leaving your home.

When I first started getting these anxiety and panic attacks I wondered why sometimes I have these attacks and why not at other times. I noticed that when I got on my bike and rode through my neighborhood I felt better. I also noticed when I drank a couple of glasses of wine I felt better. Now years later I know why riding my bike or drinking a little wine helped me. I didn't think about it, the fears the what if thinking, because I was either busy doing something or chilling (relaxing).

What Causes It?

ME !

I cause my own anxiety, that leads to a panic attack! Not on purpose I might add, I didn't know I was doing this to myself and I'm glad I know the reason why I have anxiety but I really wish I wouldn't have done this to myself in the first place. It almost sounds absurd, but it's true, we cause our own anxiety.
The "what if" thinking can cause major anxiety. Like, what if someone breaks into the house while we're all in bed, what if they steal my child or kill us... that kind of thinking scares yourself and doing this many times a day and night can really stress you out and cause anxiety to the point of panic. These thoughts just pop into my head and instead of calming myself, or my mind down, I start getting obsessed with these thoughts and before I know it I'm having anxiety and can't sleep, then panic starts. It's a vicious cycle!

But now I know what to do, I start telling myself that I know what this is, it's anxiety and that it's ok to have it, it will go away, it always does. I acknowledge the anxiety, I allow myself to have it, this way I don't have the feeling that I need to run for my life. Besides, running isn't the answer because there is no real danger. Then I tell myself that I'm safe, I'm calm, I'm peaceful, I'm relaxed. It's amazing, my brain truly believes it, and it's true too, I am safe. As soon as I reassure myself I start losing the anxious feelings and panic stops in its tracks!!
If there is something I can't control or fix, like a hurricane or micro burst, or any tragedy, I've decided to reassure myself that I live by faith in Jesus Christ, I do not live by fear.
Positive mind change is soothing and it really works, it's so awesome!!


Practice..Practice..Practice! When you practice something you get very good at it. The more you practice the better you get. Practice talking positive to your self all day long, every single day. Your brain starts to believe what you're saying and you really start feeling better about YOU!

If a negative thought pops in I immediately change that thought to a positive thought.

Below is what I've learned from an excellent self help program that I paid considerable for, but although it was expensive it has helped me so much. I wish someone could have given me this information without charging for it, since I sufferd severly and had no way of affording an expensive program. So that is one reason I've decided to blog, hopefully someone that suffers like me can understand and recover from this disorder without being charged for help.

Anything worth having in life takes a considerable amount of effort. And we are worth the time and effort!

Just as it took time for you to develop your fear and anxiety, it will also take time and patience to overcome them.

Be compassionate, patient, and gentle with yourself. Stop thinking, saying, and doing things that make you feel bad, anxious, or upset with yourself.

Give yourself credit for ANY success! Praise yourself for even the smallest accomplishments.

Keep an open mind. No matter who you are or what you've been through, you CAN be helped. But you must want help. You must want to get better. You must want to take responsibility for yourself and the way you feel.

Don't overreact to your anxious feelings. Instead of fighting them, listen to them. Are you tired? Are you scaring yourself with your thoughts? Relax and let them pass... and they will.

Keep a journal. Note when you feel anxious, note when you feel good. Write down what you were doing, who you were with, what you ate, and what time of day it was. This will help you see if there is a pattern to your anxious episodes. Plus there's magic in writing, it will help you feel much better!
Give yourself a hug!

Steps For Dealing With Panic

I've learned that we who have panic attacks are creative people, we are intelligent, sensitive, perfectionist, and we are analytical. These personality traits are a gift, but one that needs to be managed. When we turn these traits inward by over-thinking and over reacting, we are setting ourselves up for trouble.
As you begin to challenge yourself as I am doing and stop fearing these symptoms, they will lose their power over you.

Nothing on the outside causes our panic. It's an inside job. We cause it ourselves.

It all starts in your mind, even on a subconscious level, with negative internal dialogue. You begin by obsessively anticipating about something in the past or future. For example, "What if I get into the car tomorrow and I get dizzy or pass out while driving, what if I need to get out and I'm in the middle of traffic? What if I can't catch my breath? What if I do or say something stupid? What if I embarrass myself? What's wrong with me? Am I going crazy?"

Frightening messages like these send signals to your brain, "It's time to respond, we're in danger here!" The adrenaline response is triggered, releasing a flood of cortisol, sodium lactate, and adrenaline into your system. And now you begin to experience physical symptoms. Your heart pounds. Your chest gets tight. You begin to breathe out of rhythm. You begin shaking. A spacey feeling of confusion clouds your head.

Now your mind turns inward out of control. Your thoughts are spinning in a cyclone of fear. "This is it. I'm in deep trouble now. What if I have a heart attack? What if I die?"

The road to a panic attack always begins with negative internal dialogue. The way out is the path of acceptance, trust, and change in perception. There are six-steps to putting an end to panic attacks I've learned and they work. You will learn to face this head on, let yourself float through it, using these steps. You will discover that when you no longer allow it to frighten you, you’ll see it can’t hurt you. There is no need to run. You are your safe place and you are your own safe person.

The Six steps for Dealing with Panicky Feelings:

1. ACCEPT IT - float don't flight
2. PERMISSION - "I know what this is, it's just anxiety, it will go away,
it always does"
3. BREATHE - inhale 4 counts through your nose, exhale 8 counts out your mouth
4. INNER DIALOGUE - positive, comforting, kind words to yourself
5. DISTRACT - action, mental and physical for at least 15-minutes
6. LET TIME PASS - this discomfort always passes

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Best Salsa I've Ever Had

I absolutely love authentic Mexican food and a woman that I use to go to church with is from Mexico. Any time there was a get together she'd bring her homemade salsa. I could not get enough of this salsa, no one could. When it was time to leave, her salsa would be gone, everyone felt the same way I did, it was the best salsa ever! Everyone devoured her salsa and looked forward to her bringing it to all the get together's. She and I became close friends, one day she told me to come to her house and she would show me how to make her salsa, she had to show me because she didn't explain things in English very well, it was easier to show. I was very glad I wanted to be able to make this salsa any time I desired and not have to wait for a gathering at the church.
I was surprised to find out how little ingredients she used and how the ingredients were prepared.

The Recipe:

Put approx. 20 cleaned Roma tomatoes in a fry pan, preferably a cast iron skillet, and turn stove top on high and burn all four sides of each tomato, I burn them till they are black on all four sides. Careful they get boiling hot on the inside! Put about half (10) tomatoes in a blender and blend on low till blended like a puree. Put the stove top on low now to keep it hot. Now add 2 to 4 cloves (the more you add the hotter it makes the salsa) of fresh garlic to blender with the blended tomatoes.
Add a TBLS. of salt to the blender as well, blend on low just to chop the garlic up. Pour the blended ingredients into a large glass bowl. Put the remaining tomatoes (the other half) into the blender and blend but just enough to break them up into pieces you don't want this batch to be pureed but more chunky. The skillet should still be very hot so turn it off and put about 4 to 6 Chinese red peppers in skillet and burn on both sides of pepper. These peppers are extremely hot but have the best taste. When you put them on the skillet the smoke from them can burn your eyes and nose, the smoke will kill a bird so do this part outside if you have a bird as a pet(my daughter's parakeet died when she made this once, very heart breaking!) Put the peppers in the blender with the blended tomatoes and garlic and blend just enough to chop the peppers. Pour this blender of ingredients to the other ones in the glass bowl and use a wooden spoon to throughly mix the ingredients together. Chop up a bunch of cilantro and add them to the glass bowl and mix again with wooden spoon. Take a bite with a Mexican corn chip and see if you may think it needs more salt or garlic or even more peppers, I think it's perfect, I don't think it needs anything else added but everyone's taste are different.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Learning To Live Without

I woke up this morning, thanked God for another day, then went to make a pot of coffee for my daughter and I, while everyone was still sleeping. One thing I have done since my early twenties is get up while everyone else is still sleeping, I love this time to myself.
I noticed there was no more creamer for our coffee, not the powder kind and I already knew from yesterday that we were out of half and half and there is no more milk either. I use to crumble about this, I just don't like coffee black or with sugar. But this morning I knew just like I do about so much in my life lately that it's no big deal, I have to go without and it's fine and that if I want my morning coffee then I have to drink my coffee black, there is no extra money to buy cream or even milk right now. I'm learning to live with out all the stuff I really like and even love and it's ok, it's actually good for me to suffer if you can even call it suffering, which it's not really, it's being spoiled and I need not be spoiled. So here I sit typing and drinking my black coffee with a smile on my face, I refuse to let something so minor get me down. Besides, I'm lucky we even have coffee to make and to drink this morning.

I'm trying to make it as a ghost writer, the pay is crappy right now but the opportunity to make decent money is in my future, so I stick to it. I also take care of two of my grand children and their mom pays me for that, thank God. Then when my ex has it he gives me over due child and spousal support. So although things are real tight financially, and I mean tight! At least there is hope in the future and a light at the end of the tunnel, I can see that light!

I hope everyone has a great and safe day today.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Why Do I Do That?!

Last night thought I'd have a little wine, relax by the pool and get in when it gets to hot to just sit by the pool. A nice ending to a long week.

It was a very quiet evening, my daughter's ex picked up all four of their kids to have them spend the night at his house. My son is back in Flagstaff so his two girls went to their mom's. It was just me and my young son and my daughter. It was just too quiet around here although sometimes it's nice to have a break from some of the arguing that kids can do, and did do before they left. Still I'd rather have a little less quiet than this.

I finally got into the pool. I played tag with my son and counted how long he could hold his breath then raced with him to see who could get to the other end of the pool first, he won, he surprised me at how fast he could swim.

Then a little more wine. I forgot to eat dinner because I had been so busy and my son made his own dinner, so I didn't eat. The wine hit fast, I hate feeling like this I like a little wine to relax with and even a little buzz but it's like the wine just knocked me on my bottom so quickly that it felt uncomfortable.

When I woke up this morning I felt like my pinky finger was broke, my foot hurts and then I remembered drinking too much wine. Why do I do that to my self? Then I remembered why, it just kinda creped up on me and before I knew it I had had too much wine. That's what I get for not eating first or at least with the wine.

So I spent the first part of my morning repenting to God, something I do if I get drunk because the Bible says not to be drunk some where in it. And I don't want God upset with me so I repent. And I mean it...repent means to turn your back on what ever it is you're repenting of and not do it again. I really mean I will not do it again! That's how I feel and that's what I mean, but I know also that if I do do that again then God's forgiving and merciful and full of grace. But I really will try not to do it again. (This is just how I feel and think)

Sitting here at my computer typing, my little finger is throbbing and I have no idea what I did to it or how it happened and I certainly don't want to ask anyone because I don't want anyone to know I can't remember! Then I tell myself in my head, don't ever do that again, seriously, a little wine is good but really Teresa, over doing it is not good.

Well off I go into the pool, it's hot today and I need to swim, this is the perfect exercise for me, I love swimming.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Home Videos...

My son wanted to watch our home videos that his dad and I took when he was a baby. I usually put him off when he asks because it's hard for me to go back to that time in my life, it saddens me because it didn't have to be this way, we had it all, we didn't have to end in divorce, things should have been different and could have been better. But the one thing that made me leave was when I couldn't trust him any more and I couldn't protect my son from him and I'll be damned if I let anyone hurt one of my babies. I took it myself far too long, the name calling, the screaming if I had a different opinion than him, and his sarcasm was too much to take any more, glass being thrown or his fist being thrown towards my face, no, I couldn't take it any more and I sure couldn't raise my son in this way.

Finally I told my son, ok, put the movie in, we climbed up on my high off the ground bed and watched the first video which was in 1990 right after his dad and I married. Wow to my shock I looked so young and I was so much shyer. My first four children were in this video, they were so young too, really young, my youngest at that time was only seven and today he's 28, four years younger than my son who's eleven, sitting next to me now watching his siblings on the tv.

I started laughing and then I started crying, I'm so glad I took videos back in those days, gosh it made me miss my babies! Now they're all adults with kids of their own. After the first video I put in one that was from 1997 to 1998. My kids were growing up and I have my first grand baby, from my daughter who is 19. This is probably my favorite video. Our home was cozy, my son's had their friends over all the time, my daughter and her baby lived with us. My husband at the time was always playing his guitar and singing, he even played on the video the song he wrote for me when we first got married. I always loved the lyrics and the music, it's beautiful. When I heard the song on the video I balled like a baby. I loved my husband so much at that time, I had forgotten how much I did love him. I was so surprised at how much my siblings and parents were over, they spent a lot of time visiting and we spent a lot of time at my parents home, I miss that! Now I see my parents since they've moved, once a month. One of my sister's moved to Washington so it's rare that I get to see her. My brother lives close but we rarely see each other but talk on the phone often. My other sister, I haven't seen in three years and have talked maybe twice in those three years and she lives close by too. I want to have a family reunion, I miss my family!

Then we watched from 1998 to 2000....a lot of memories, good and sad, but mainly good. I sometimes wish I had video of my ex's anger, rage, etc. not for anyone but me to see. Although it's burned into my brain, sometimes today when he's being nice it's easy to forget the bad parts. In 1999 I had my now eleven year old, what an adorable baby and a miracle that I could even have him, I praise God for that. But truly all babies are miracles and I praise God for all five of my children and all nine of my grand children.

I am so happy I let my son talk me into watching these home videos with him. I was ready after all to go back and look into the window of my past and I really needed that. It was like watching all five and two of my grand children grow up all over again, I got to relive a good part of my life, it is awesome!

Now I'm going to start taking home videos again, there's a lot more grand children! It's almost as if I've allowed my life to come to a pause since my divorce and now I'm really ready to move to a normal speed again. After all in 3 days it'll have been four years since the divorce was final.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Haboob....A mighty dust was huge!

The haboob happened yesterday, July 5 and covered the area with 50 m.p.h. winds! There was no visibility. The dust wall was estimated to have been 5,000 feet high and 70 miles wide! I was in the pool with several children, I saw this huge dark wall and told the kids, calmly, to get out of the pool. They all looked at me like why, so I said get out now and come look at this. As they all got out I pointed to the great dark wall that was moving towards us. I stayed calm but I knew that we needed to get in the house, although at that moment the wind was not blowing it would be soon and we wouldn't be able to breathe once that dust was over top of us. They all got in the house and within seconds we were in the middle of this huge black dust mess! It went from being bright as day to black as the blackest night and heavy winds that made the trees look as if they were going to snap into. It was really an awesome sight and pictures can't do it justice.

Can't wait for tonight, hope we get a storm! And lots of rain and thunder, just no lightening please!

Casey Anthony Verdict of Not Guilty

Just because the verdict came in not guilty does not mean she's innocent by any means!

It's crazy that this became such a huge profile case, seriously, why this case over other's? I mean there are so many missing children, but this one for some reason has gotten so much more attention than other cases. It almost makes me sick and mainly because there was no true justice for the child that was murdered and the mother is going to get rich off of it, that's already started happening. And certain witnesses told many lies on the can they get away with lying on the stand??? What kind of justice is this?

Well God is just and just like OJ got away with it he ended up paying any ways. I believe Casey will end up some how paying for it in the end too. Because although our so called justice system is just, God really is just!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Casey Anthony

WOW! Verdict just in....Not Guilty! WHAT?! I am's almost hard to wrap my mind around the verdict! She got away with murder! At least that's my opinion, and now there is no answers to what really happened to her daughter Caylee.
I have followed this case from day one and I really thought Casey Anthony murdered her little girl, after watching the trial I just knew the prosecutors won. But no, the defense won and I really am beside myself. It's like the OJ Simpson trial when he got away with murdering his wife!
Right now that's all I can say about this shocking case.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July!

Yea! I love the 4th of July! Although our usual routine will not happen this year we still can enjoy our 4th.
We usually have king crab, except for two of my grand kids since they're highly allergic to shell fish, and so we let them have what ever they want for dinner. Then my daughter makes the most delicious and beautiful strawberry short cake with real homemade whipping cream, I will miss that for sure, it's divine! But we do have strawberries thanks to my sis and brother-in-law.

Since it's so hot we will play and swim in the pool this year and watch the fire works display, we should be able to see them and hear them from the pool according to the internet search I did to see where they were going to be going off tonight.

It is so humid and stifling today, there's no way I want to drive to where they are being displayed. Then to sit there and wait after finding a spot for all of us to sit and then trying to fight traffic to get home, all the time everyone having to go potty since we were there for so long. Nope, tonight it will be the perfect 4th, having pool fun, staying cool and with our meal not available to us this year we're mixing it up a little. It will be good, I know that!

I hope everyone has a great 4th!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

This Day....Today....Right Now

I want to focus on the now moment and take a little break from thinking about the future...I know planning for the future is necessary but I know it's also important to just enjoy right now.

I was blessed today by my sister and my brother-in-law, by their presence and by the groceries they brought us. Since we lost our business and the home we were in and moved here in December we've been struggling financially, a very hard struggle. And trying to feed all of us can be a challenge right now, not to mention always running out of toilet paper and other important essentials! (So a huge thank you Rob and Judy!!! I love you guys so much and I will miss you terribly, and long for the day you come back to visit or we can go to Washington to visit you guys). I have to say it's a lot ( I was going to say a little but that's not true it's a lot!)of embarrassment to me that I'm struggling this hard, I'm not use to relying on help from others but extremely thankful for their help. I want to support myself and my son, and I want to be able to help others in need, I don't want to be the one in need.

It's almost funny, I was well off at a greater part of my life and I've been hard up in other times in my life, but I think right now has been about the hardest time ever in my life. I've learned these past 6 or so months to be thankful for what we have and even for what we don't have, I've learned not to be picky...cause that's not even an option now. I've learned to go with out, without the foods and drinks I like, to go without nice clothing, most of mine and my daughters clothes are pretty much rags at this point. Thank God that my daughter's ex buys their children's clothes, shoes etc. And he does help my daughter out with her portion of rent and groceries as well.

I have never been one that likes to live month to month or week to week or pay check to pay check, now we live day to day, that's even worse! Not really knowing if we'll have enough money to pay any let alone all the bills. But then someone comes and brings us groceries like my sister and her husband today, and my parents the other day. Made me cry that people care and made me sad to feel like a burden to anyone, although they never looked at it as we are a burden. The cashier that checked my sister and her husband out at the grocery store even helped my sister said, by giving them $10 off their order, the cashier said she wants to help too. Wow, how awesome is that, a perfect stranger helping us out. Thank you who ever you are!

Life will get better financially and I know this struggle will be over one day, can hardly wait for that day though!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Life Changes Again....

I guess that's what makes it more adventurous or interesting, all the changes that take place and keep taking place constantly or continuously.

Now my son that was living here with us and his two daughter's several days a week are not living here and my ex-husband is now living here.

So...It's my self and my eleven year old son, my daughter who's almost 33 years old with her almost two year old baby boy, my daughter's other three children part time and they live part time with their dad, my ex-husband (my second one, who's the dad to my 11 year old, the step dad to my other four children) all living together in our three bedroom home which we still are renting from one of my older sons who lives in Flagstaff with his wife (that's where my son who isn't living here any more moved too). But I do get to watch his two daughter's several times a week for their mom while she works. That's a blessing, I miss my son so much since he moved out, to not see his daughter's would be so hard to handle.

It's amazing from 11 of us down to 8 now almost at all times, how much less noise there is, less busyness around here it is. To many that's a lot of people but for us, it works great and we're never lonely or bored.

My daughter just walked in and brought with her 4 more kids, her ex-sister-in-law's kids that she watches a few days a week, so that they can go swimming, awesome! The more the merrier for sure! It's so hot today here in the valley of the sun, we're having an alert because it's too hot. The weather channel says right now it's 112 degrees and rising. It may reach 120 degrees.

Well I'm going the pool!

Friday, July 1, 2011

A Great Day....

Sittin here drinking a little wine and thinking back on the was a great day at that!
My sister, my precious sister with the most beautiful red hair, and her husband came to visit from the state of Washington today....I haven't seen my sister in almost three years and my brother-in-law in about seven years...It was awesome seeing them and visiting with them! Gosh I've missed them terribly! I wish they'd move back to the valley...Mesa or better yet, Gilbert, Arizona. Family is so important to me and these two really helped hold our family's together like glue when they lived here. We all miss them so so much. It saddens me to have to say good bye again, especially not knowing when I'll get to see them again.
My 11 year old and my five grand children that were here all fell in love with their new found uncle...they had a blast with this brother-in-law of mine. What a great uncle he is. He played like a kid himself with the children and even throwing them in the pool and letting them climb all over him while my sister gave my daughter, my mom, my 13 year old grand daughter and I facials. It was certainly a lively, noisy, fun thrilled and exciting day!
We need to do this more often and I really hope we do.