Thursday, November 4, 2010

I haven't blogged in a while, again, I've been busy writing and rewriting a book that I plan on getting published. I think I blog to clear my head and it needs clearing today! But should I put what's in my head and in my heart out there for anyone to read or do I just keep it in a private journal? That seems to be my dilemma every time I blog.

I guess I made up my mind, I'll blog. Who knows, maybe it'll help someone else out there in Internet land...or maybe it'll just help me.

Well on a positive note, agoraphobia is thrown out the door, praise God! I use to have dreams that it'd be thrown out of my life for good and I would pray for that day to come, quickly, that I would never feel like this again and it truly is. I still have anxious moments but nothing I can't handle and I don't have panic any more. I'm not afraid, it's an awesome feeling!

I can't thank God enough, for everything he's done for me. And I know he pointed me in the right direction when I got the dvd's on anxiety from The Midwest Center. Not to be a prisoner of my fears, and to be free from panic and agoraphobia is so so awesome!

I decided last Friday night that I am not missing out on my ten year old's life any more. I can make any excuse I want, why I don't go here or do this or that but the saddest thing is is that I'm watching my son and my grand kids grow up with me only in the background. I'm missing out on their lives and this is such a beautiful time in their lives right now. So enough is enough!

Saturday I went to a fall festival in Gilbert and I loved it, I had a blast! My son and my older children and my grand children were so happy I went, and surprised that I really went. Then the next night, I went to my older son's house and again had a ball! This Saturday, we are making plans to go do something fun again. I can't wait! I am set free! The crazy thing is, I always was free, I made myself a prisoner, no one else did. I was afraid of the feelings associated with anxiety and panic that I wouldn't go any where. I wouldn't leave the house, I wouldn't even walk out the front door a year ago but now, I can go any where, I even look forward to getting on an airplane again and flying to Dana Point, Ca. my favorite vacation spot ever!