Friday, June 25, 2010

Attitude

I just read this and thought that it is so true.

We all have bad days from time to time. However, if we have perpetual bad days then maybe it’s a bad attitude.

I know for me when I feel those over whelming feelings that nothings going right, I have to stop, take a breath and think to myself, why am I feeling this way. My thoughts play a huge role in how I feel and when I recognize or even entertain certain thoughts they can make a huge difference in my attitude whether negative or positive.

I believe attitude is everything! It can start with one little thought, but we have the ability to change our thoughts, and to change our attitude. If I don't like a certain way that I'm feeling I immediately change my thought process and ultimately my attitude changes. Very empowering!!!

If it feels too hard with just a thought then I listen to music or read a book or pray, doing something positive is always a good way to help you go from negative to positive.
The more I do it the easier it gets.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

To my dad and my son's that are now dad's and to all the other men I know that are dad's....HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

My son wants to buy his dad a Father's Day gift, I resent my son's dad, tremendously right now, because he doesn't act like a dad or a father, he's never around and when he does come around it's for a brief moment. He won't take our son out to play ball (which is really too bad because our son is a total natural at baseball) or to the park or for an ice cream. It's truly pathetic!!! It crushes my heart for my son. But for my son's sake I will give him money to buy his dad a present. And my son will not hear me complain about it because it's not his fault his dad is the way he is. And I don't want my son to feel bad about any of this. But in the inside I know I will be sick over this.

Every year on Father's Day I am reminded of what shitty dad's my 5 children have. Every year (actually every day!) I hope my Ex's step up to the plate of fatherhood before it's too late and give our children and now our grand children some joy, some true love, some memories that make them smile one day.

Obviously this is a day I will need to really talk positive to myself and to change my attitude! Being down helps no one!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Summer

25.
Awe...summer is here...well not officially, in four more days it'll be official. But school's out and that always makes it seem like summer.
I love summer, I love my son and my grand children being home all day and not having to rush out the door to go to school. I'm hoping school does go to four days a week here in Mesa, Arizona, like some schools have already done. I love the house filled with children and the noise they make, and boy do they ever get noisy! But it's a good thing. I remember living with just my son at one point and it could get pretty lonely. Yes the house was always clean, but it was too quiet. I love a house full of people. But I do like my own personal space too, sometimes I have to tell everyone I need some time alone, I go to my room and I have a good thirty minutes or so to myself before someone wants in to watch my television or play games on the play station. The only thing we're missing is a swimming pool, if I miss anything from my last marriage it would be my house and my pool.

I woke up this morning from a dream that still haunts me as I sit here typing. I was married to my second ex-husband and he was trying to manipulate me again. First he tried sweetness but when I saw through his sweetness he got angry and tried to tell me I didn't know what I was talking about. In real life I always believed him, well until the end of our marriage, and gave him the benefit of doubt. In my dream I almost did, but I knew deep down what he was doing, so I told him he can no longer do this to me and I left him again.
I am shocked that he could really be this way, I'm glad that every now and then I have a dream that reminds me of how he is so that I never fall into his trap again.

I know I am going to make it, I am on the right track and I am so excited that I, as a single woman and mom, can make it on my own, without a man. I am not a woman that believes in women's lib. And I have always believed in marriage, but today after two failed marriages, because of abuse. I know I don't need a man to "make it" in any way what so ever. I am capable of raising my son on my own, which I've been doing for several years now, and without much financial support from my ex. I'd love some financial support that he owes and I believe I will get more support from him since child support enforcement is now involved in our case. But for now even without much support from him, I'm doing well.